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<title>Father, I have sinned. by crxscxnt (pizza_on_the_roof)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052345">Father, I have sinned.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pizza_on_the_roof/pseuds/crxscxnt'>crxscxnt (pizza_on_the_roof)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, POV First Person, Prayer, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:02:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>564</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pizza_on_the_roof/pseuds/crxscxnt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>And like in the scripture, You showed me that gone boy, and before me You brought him back.</p><p>That child who had his chest pierced like Your son, pierced by the Holy Lance.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hisui Nagare &amp; Iwafune Tenkei | Ootori Seigo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Father, I have sinned.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've always had a strong connection to this character, and I don't know to what point the religious imagery between him, Nagare and even Kotosaka is intended in canon or accidental, but I've always found it fascinating.</p><p>Iwafune doesn't act holy in the least, yet he wears his robes and Bible. Although this may have been styling choices and nothing else, I have always wondered what his relationship with faith was after the Kagutsu Incident.</p><p>Disclaimer: I am not religious and my knowledge of Catholic faith is quite poor. This work doesn't mean to come off as disrespectful in any way. </p><p>PS: GROUND ZERO, the novel featuring Ootori Seigo, Habari Jin and Zenjou Gouki is set to come out soon. Can't wait! Hope we will get to know more about Ootori Seigo with it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thinking back now, I may have been too arrogant, all along. No, I <em>had</em> been arrogant. </p><p> </p><p>Me and faith. My will. When You had me become, I took it as a sign. I thought that my will was Yours because You put it there, and my body a tool to make Your will. </p><p> </p><p>Since that fated day, I followed You. When was it that I made a mistake? Was it my wrong to become the people's chalice of love and adoration, and not Your humble vessel? Was my preaching mistaken, for I dared make my own meaning of Your words?</p><p> </p><p>Or am I wrong now, and all of it was meant to be. Everything, until that final day, the day of judgement on Earth, the day of new beginnings. Still haunts my nights, no matter how much I blind myself, the question - was it a test that I failed? Failed in my judgement my flock, Your children and You? Or was that too, necessary? Dare I say, a lesson?</p><p> </p><p>May have all those lives been part of Your plan, and I tried to intercede... I had to learn. That perhaps I was never worthy. That my faith wasn't strong enough. Or that You had other plans for me.</p><p> </p><p>Because on that day, when this pitiful, arrogant sinner weakened, when my faith wavered to the point of cracking, You brought him before me.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps from the beginning, I was never meant to be Your son, but mother to Your son, such as it is in the scripture.</p><p> </p><p>And like in the scripture, You showed me that gone boy, and before me You brought him back.</p><p> </p><p>That child who had his chest pierced like Your son, pierced by the Holy Lance.</p><p> </p><p>Since that day I had fed him, nurtured him, taught him in every way I could. But Lord, he was teaching me what I was too ignorant to let my own faith teach me.</p><p> </p><p>That stone, if You put it there, should not be for men to rule over. Men do not have the power to intercede in Your way, not to interpret Your will. Wasn't that the motive of the burden in my heart?</p><p> </p><p>He who had a vision may not have been a man at all. And if this is also my wrong, if my beliefs will once again bring me doom, so be it. Let me burn in the fires of the abyss. For I have not known Your love until I knew him.</p><p> </p><p>Father, I have sinned. I confess to anger, pride, greed, sloth and envy. I lust for the life I was denied. I indulge in gluttony when I give myself to vice. And I wish, oh so shamelessly, to take it all back, to change the past even though You made it that way and I shouldn't question Your holiness.</p><p> </p><p>I've betrayed my faith, for I love this child more than I love You. I even entertain thoughts of his divinity. For I can no longer see the signs and my path is no longer clear. I cannot hear Your words and follow Your guidance. All I am now, is his. </p><p> </p><p>I shall make myself his tool, his vessel. The gift You gave me will be for him. For him, I would even give my immortal soul.</p><p> </p><p>And I will make his will, like I failed to make Yours.</p>
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